Moving Forward

Welp, it’s time.

Time to get back in the ring.

After 5 months of recording, I’m moving forward and putting out new music. The last time I performed was July 2017. It’s May now, so it’s been almost a year. During this last year SO much has happened. But I’ll save that for another blog.

One of the things I have to do to get back in the ring is to delete everything off of my Instagram to prepare for the new look. I want to talk about that. Because it’s been weirdly… hard.

It’s not really just Instagram, right? It’s validation. It’s a representation of my past. It’s a list of my accomplishments. It’s how I say “Look world, I’ve done something with my life. It’s my very best highlights of the last few years. The stuff I want everyone to see. And even though I know “the new” is on such another amazing level, it’s still difficult to let that go.

In some ways, it’s a good feeling - releasing the past to make space for the future. But also terrifying. Because how will people know that I’ve ever done anything? And the better question - why am I so worried about that?

This process has forced me to look at my ego. Why does my ego feel the need to prove? Why is my ego so terrified of the idea of starting fresh? The ego clings to the past. It says “this is MINE and this is what I’VE done.” The ego says “What will people think of me?” The ego clings to accomplishments and reputation.

The spirit, on the other hand, says something like “There is an abundance of new experiences and art to share. The future is greater than the past. You aren’t defined by what you’ve done. You are defined by unconditional love and acceptance. You are enough. Make space for the new!”

I’ve been learning this with my songwriting too. I’ve started making money from selling songs to other people or companies. It’s called licensing. It took me forever to start licensing because when I was getting started, I felt like every single song was precious and I had to cling to it. The subconscious ego's train of thought is “Do not sell this song. It could be the last good thing you ever write. Maybe tomorrow you won’t be able to write songs anymore and then your only good art will be gone.” It’s ridiculous! Its crazy! Of course it’s not true. It’s completely rooted in fear. But that’s how my brain works. You know what I mean, right?

Fast forward to me living my life with that mentality. My catalog is full of 300 amazing songs, sitting on my computer because I was too scared to actually share them or sell them.... That’s a major shift I made this year - deciding how stupid that mentality was. And as a result you will be seeing a lot more music (Aye oooo!).

Anyway, this relates back to Instagram. It’s kind of the same train of subconscious, fearful thought. “What if this is as good as it gets? What if I never make anything better? What about all the work I’ve done?”

That last question is interesting too… The feeling like somehow if no one sees the work I’ve done, it doesn’t matter. When really, the work I do should be done because it brings me joy. Not because I’m trying to impress anybody or count "points" for working hard.

The universe is abundant, not scarce! It is only scarce when we choose to live and think that way.

But opening my mind to believe that there was an abundance of anything was tough. Weather it’s money, songs, experiences, people, love... It’s always hard to believe that there is more and better ahead for us. Especially when we’ve lost out before.

However, I would dare to say it is worth the fight. I would so much rather live fearlessly, daring to believe in radical abundance then living an ego-driven life where I'm always stressing myself out.

So I’m going to go back and finish all this deleting. And I’m going to try really, really hard not to be afraid or cling to anything old. I’m going to take my own advice and make space for the new.

Wish me luck. Oh ya! And see you there. It’s going to be awesome. For real. The shift is real. And I am going to be 100% present for it.

Love ya.

PS. By the way, all my socials are changing in two weeks and new music is coming out. So make sure you subscribe to my mailing list because you're going to want to be present for this, too : ) There's a link at the very bottom of this page to join. I always appreciate you. I will never forget who my core fans and supporters are because you help make all this possible.

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XXXVII Media 2020: celebrating women that run their own shit