Deciding My Vibe
I saw this post a few days ago and it hit me because it's exactly what I've been trying to master over the last few years.
I decide my vibe.
I want to ask you three questions. Feel free to respond in the comments and let me know how you feel about this topic!
1. Do you ever allow your feelings to set your vibe?
Some days I wake up and my body is completely working against me. I have an autoimmune disease, which means the nutrients in my body as well as the hormones in my body are all messed up and it takes a lot of extra effort for me to feel "normal." Honestly, there are just some days that it's really, really, really, really hard for me to control my vibe and my feelings.
But I realized that even if I can't change my feelings, I can control how I handle them.
Have you ever heard people say to "observe your emotions"? It's sort of like that. I separate myself from the feeling and recognize that just because it's happening, doesn't mean that it's me. It's how I am able to validate my feelings while still keeping in mind that they don't control me.
Feelings are like waves. They come and go. But what you choose to do with them is what is going to define your vibe.
Me observing emotions and talking to my feelings: Yes, feeling. You are valid. I understand why you're showing up. But I don't have space to freak out or scream into a pillow right now, so I'm just going to validate that it's okay you're here. But I'm not going to let you run my day.
Even if your heart is broken, you can handle what you do with that. Even if your hormones are crazy, you can control how you choose to talk to yourself through that. Even if the people in your life are being stupid, you can still control how you treat yourself and them.
Even if you can't change your feelings or your situation, you can still decide your vibe.
2. Do you ever allow other people to set your vibe for you?
Humans are the best. And they're also the worst.
At one of my starter jobs I had this boss. THIS BOSS!
There were so many times I DREADED going into work because this boss was so cray-cray. And I let it ruin so many of my days.
My mistake: I gave her the power to decide my vibe.
I love when I see people with a "you can't bring me down" attitude. You just know, no matter what shitty thing happens to them, they've already got the victory. The world can throw anything at them and they just let it slide right off because they have already decided and set their vibe first thing in the morning. I'm aiming to be like that.
In my experience, whenever I let someone else have the power to decide my vibe, it's usually out of self-pity.
Sounds weird I know. Here's an example:
Boss: Blah blah blah I'm being awful.
Me: Oh no! This person is being stupid. They're ruining my day. I don't deserve this! I don't deserve to be treated like this! I'm just going to be quiet or weirdly passive aggressive so everyone else realizes that my day has been ruined and that person sucks. **sits feeling sorry for myself for next 30 minutes**
Boss: Blah blah blah I'm being awful.
Me: Oh, that persons trying to ruin my day. What else is new? I know who I am so she can't hurt my feelings. Life happens. Oh well. Maybe there's a solution I can come up with to help. **continues day as usual**
Its a choice.
And sometimes I get it right. Other times, not so much.
I don't want to be a victim to anybody or anything. Not to humans, not to emotions, not to mental or physical health. Nothing. Nada.
I want to be unshakable.
3. When it comes to major life choices, who sets the vibe for your life?
I used to have a friend who made all of her life decisions based on what her dad wanted.
And it drove me CRAZY.
I know how hard it is to go against what your parents want you to do. I've been in conflict with my parents about certain things I've done and it was super painful.
But I knew that if I didn't follow my heart, and kept sacrificing all of my beliefs to make them agree with me or like me more, I wouldn't ever know who I was or what I was capable of.
Her excuses for making those decisions began to echo the words of her dad. "Well, I just don't feel like I can do it" or "It's not realistic," or "I need to spend time with my family instead of following my heart."
It honestly broke my heart.
Who decides the vibe for your life? Do you listen to other people when they tell you who you can and can't be? Or do you listen that small voice in your heart, calling you to be your best self?
I remember in ninth grade, one of my teachers made every student stand up and say what they were going to be. It was an honors class and most of the kids in there had a lot of drive to be successful. When I stood up and said, "I'm going to sing," people looked at me sideways. When I decided to move to New York at 16 years old instead of going to college, I had so many people telling me I was crazy. "You need to go to school like the other kids. Your dream is nice but honey, it just isn't realistic." That was said to me at least once a week. But I just couldn't stand the idea of letting someone else chart my path.
Ashton Kutcher gave a speech that I really like at the KCA's. He said this:
"When you grow up, you tend to get told that the world is the way that it is. And your job is to live your life inside the world and try not to get into too much trouble, and get an education and a job, make some money and have a family.But life can be a lot broader than that when you realize one simple thing. And that is that everything around us that we call life, was made up by people that are no smarter than you. And you can build your own things and your build own life that other people can live in. So build a life. Don't find one, build one."
Has your plan for your life been set by your calling and your dreams or by the people around you telling you who to be?
I know some people have kids and other people to take care of. But I really believe that the universe makes a path for someone following their calling. It's just about taking the first step and trusting that the still, small voice in your heart will not lead you astray and will provide for you along the journey.
Taraji P. Hensen is a woman that inspires me. Here's something she said:
"I moved to California with 700 dollars in my pocket and my toddler. And I had to fight the good fight because people were telling me I can't - 'Oh you're moving to California with your son? Are you crazy? You'll never make it.' I was 26 when I decided to come here... They said 'Oh you're too old.' If you listen to people and if you allow people to project their fears onto you, you won't live. What if I believed people when they said that when I became pregnant in college I wouldn't graduate? I walked across that stage with my son on my hip, and collected my degree. I didn't hear the nay-sayers when they said 'If you haven't made it by 25 you won't make it.' I'm about to be 46 and I'm just touching the surface.... I wasn't born with a silver spoon in my mouth. It all starts with you. You are the temple. You're in control. You can't give another human the power over your happiness."
Who decides your vibe?
Love you guys.