Remedy for H8R-ADE:
This is one of my favorite quotes.
On my last blog post I mentioned that I’m hopping “back in the ring” and putting out new music.
I didn’t choose that phrase "in the ring" by accident. I chose it because every time you share your most vulnerable, heart felt, honest self with human beings on the internet, you’re in for a battle.
For me, "the ring" is music. Maybe for you it’s a book, a project, a dream, an honest thought to share with the world, or a song. It could be something big or small. But the feeling of creating and sharing it with the world is the same:
Let be real. People that aren’t in the ring, getting their asses kicked (as my friend Brene Brown would say) seem to have a much easier time harshly judging someone who IS in the ring...
Getting their asses kicked.
Getting doors slammed in their faces.
Fighting for something they believe in.
12 hours a day.
15 hours a day.
Just figuring it out.
If you are somebody who has been in the ring, and knows what it’s like to have some skin in the game, you know what I’m talking about.
You know how it feels to be hated and judged.
You know the blood, sweat and tears that goes into your work.
You know what it takes.
And it always seems to be the people who have never truly been in the ring that feel qualified to spew a venomous comment or backhanded remark.
So many people are so scared of being hated or misunderstood, they never even try to follow their calling.
So cheers to you if you're in the ring. You're already super-duper brave and living your best life. Because you're taking risks. You're reaching for more. Your exercising faith.
And the universe always rewards that eventually.
So for those of you like me who are "in the ring" and dealing with a lot of harsh onlookers, I'm going to tell you a couple of my experiences. And I'm going to tell you how I deal with it. I haven’t got it perfect yet AT ALL, but I’ll try to share what I’ve figured out so far.
I hope it encourages you to keep on fightin’.
Just so you know I'm talking about actual hard things and not just some fluffy BS, here are some examples of what I call "everyday H8R-ADE":
EVERYDAY H8R-ADE EXAMPLES:
Just yesterday, a stranger DM’d me calling me a “liar” because he thought I had fake followers. (haha)
Once, a blogger called me “off-puttingly trashy.”
In High School, girls at the front of the bus used to call my phone while I was sitting alone in the back of the bus to call me a "cunt."
Peeps pretend they know me that have never even met me in person, let alone had a real conversation. And it's sometimes creepy and they're usually not saying anything good.
This sounds kind of sad in a list. And I'm sensitive as F so don't think that I magically feel nothing when people are mean. But I’ve actually found a lot of great ways to deal with stuff like this.
I learned to recycle pretty early on in life because I was a weirdo from birth.
You: Recycle, you say?
Me: Why yes.
Real recycling to save the planet (because this plastic island is no joke guys).
And emotional recycling,
to save me.
The Emm Recycling Program:
Take every single painful word and action that’s said or done to you.
Find a way to bless someone else with it.
Someone says you suck?
Encourage someone you think is amazing and may need to be reminded.
Someone tells a lie about you?
Do your “I am” affirmations of the truth, and share a facebook post reminding people why they are loved.
Someone calls you a whore?
Write a song empowering women’s bodies. Or donate money to the Women's March or PP (haha).
In meeting others in the midst of their wounds, my own wounds heal too.
Any time someone intentionally hurts me, I get to be a blessing for someone else.
And I get stronger.
It really does just make me better.
Other stuff I do to stay happy even when people are criticizing something I really, really, really care about:
1. I don’t give them my energy. They’re not worthy. In order for me to operate at my highest capacity in life, I can’t give them my time. Ain’t NOBODY got time for that.
2. If for some reason I can't ignore them, I force myself to empathize. Because if I don’t empathize, my only other feeling-option is hatred and un-forgiveness. And ain't nobody got time for that either.
Stuff I ask myself to attempt to empathize with my H8RZ:
Why are they like this?
What happened in their life that they feel so much bitterness toward a girl like me?
What is it in them that is recoling at the thought of me doing what I love or shining like the diamond God herself made me to be?
Why do some feel hate where others feel inspired?
Why do some look for flaws and others look for greatness?
Basically every time I ask these questions, it comes back to one answer:
It’s not me.
It has very little to do with me.
I am simply reflecting something THEY haven’t dealt with in THEM.
I know what’s true about me. So why would I let someone else’s wounds dictate how I feel?
I know what’s true about me.
(louder for the people in the back)
H8RZ can only get to you if a small part of you is afraid that what they’re saying is true.
But if you know that’s it’s not, you’re suddenly become kind of un-defeatable. Kind of like that monster at the end of Thor: Ragnarok. (You know, the one that is really big and basically a rip off of Balrog the monster that Gandalf has to battle from the greatest book ever Lord Of The Rings)
When you do actually feel like you might suck:
If you never felt like maybe you suck, you wouldn’t be a human being. Hahahaha. And you definitely wouldn't be an artist!
Everyone is low key afraid they suck sometimes. Even Kanye.
And here’s the best part: everyone does suck a little sometimes. And that’s okay.
But there is WAY more of you that is awesome then that sucks.
Everyone messes up and has a past. But YOUR FUTURE is what matters. Every day is a new beginning as the cornballs like me say.
And anyone who is trying really, really hard to point out ways they think you suck or who you used to be is just broken.
It’s not YOU that’s broken. It’s something in them.
And it’s not your job to fix it.
You're made new.
And your past mistakes don't define you.
Recap: Remedy 4 H8R-ADE:
Recycle pain into blessings for other people. In doing so you heal yourself.
Ignore H8 cause you don’t even have time for that nonsense. You are a boss. No time for buffoonery.
Empathize with them and try to understand why they’re a mess. Feel kind of sorry for them. Say a prayer for them. Free yourself with forgiveness.
Remind yourself that you’re awesome, even though you may have messed up in the past.
Now SLAY! Get your ass up, send those emails! Write those blog posts! Sing that song! Keep posting your heart for the world to see! Rock your fashion. Do your thing boo.
I have a note with big sharpie letters on my wall that sort of sums all this up:
“Get out of your emotions and keep it moving. It’s not personal. One person doesn’t determine your future. Only you do.”
And my sweet love,
YOU are NEEDED.
YOU are a BLESSING and NOT a curse.
YOU have been called GOOD.
YOU aren't defined by your PAST :)
YOUR FUTURE IS WHATEVER YOU MAKE IT.
And whatever it is your called to make is calling you for a REASON!
So Make it.
For every one person that hates you, there’s 100 more that will LOVE what you do and who you are.
How do you deal with criticism? Let me know if any of these techniques help you and Ill try out yours too. Comment & Share!
PS. NEW MUSIC! LISTEN, SHARE, AND STREAM IT ON REPEAT IF U LUV ME HERE: https://song.link/nogods